Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
