you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
