he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
