it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
