He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
