she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
