I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
