Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
