people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
