i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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