we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
