Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
