This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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