I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
