If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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