look no pants
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
