I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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