I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
