Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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