I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We have so much sex to catch up on
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
