her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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