My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
