So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
pray to the hookup gods
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
