I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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