Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
