Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
