it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
