it was like eating out sand paper
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
