the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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