Dual....:-)
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
