Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
