My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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