Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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