Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
