Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
