Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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