How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
