He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
