I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
