No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
