and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
