why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
