To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
