Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
