Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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