I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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