thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
