Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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