i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think my moral compass just broke
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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