Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
