in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
